To get an ideal wife is not an easy task. When l became matured enough to get married, my parents were hoping that l would soon bring a lady home and introduce her to them but that never happened. They became worried. My mother knew that l love busty ladies and so she brought a certain fat lady for me. I refused her.
My father then brought a fatter lady to me; yet l refused her! I finally got the fattest lady for myself! I brought her to my parents as my choice. They didn't say anything. They just nodded their heads. This lady was about fifteen feet tall and hugely built! They nicknamed her in her street, H.M.K. That's Human Mountain Kilimanjaro.
Then came the day of the marriage. Now, it should be noted here that in our tradition, as a son, your father is expected to give you the most valuable present on your marriage day! No matter how small it may be or whatever thing it may be, it is considered the most valuable present you received that day. I was expecting either a car or a big shop or a huge sum of money as a gift from my father.
When everyone was seated, my father was seen coming and behind him were three young men carrying a ladder. The guests were all very surprised, also was l, because such an occasion has nothing to do with a ladder.
The young men leaned the ladder on the wall and they stood beside it.
My father was the most expected person of the day especially his speech which everybody believes was the head of the ceremony. He mounted the platform and started his address like this:
Hello distinguished personalities, ladies and gentlemen! You are all specially welcome to this historic occasion. I must confess that the huge crowd here today is a clear demonstration that this is indeed an extraordinary marriage ceremony. I believe that most of you here know me quite well but for the sake of those who don't know me. I am the father of the bridegroom.
Our culture makes it mandatory for me as the father to give him a very precious gift that he won't forget in his entire life time. It is also a gift that would be very helpful to them in the marriage. Now, silver and gold have l not but such have l give l thee. I hereby present this twenty feet long ladder to them as my special gift because l know that they will find it very useful. It is adjustable!
It will first be useful here any moment from now. Because he has to kiss his bride and the only way to do that is to lean the ladder on her body and climb up. For kissing, he needs to climb the ladder up. For the other room, he can adjust it shorter. Everything between both of them, the ladder must play an important role!
His mother brought a fat lady to him , he refused her! I brought a fatter lady to him, he refused her too! These were occupied till I come. He got for himself the fattest lady aka occupied till eternity! I hereby call on the officiating priest to call them out so that the ladder can be placed on where it belongs and let them have a kiss!
Na there l shout say l go die OOOO!
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