AS USUAL!

A foreign journalist was in a local radio station one afternoon during a phoning program. In this phoning program, each caller was given two minutes to speak about the government's achievements! But when the program finally started, the foreign journalist observed that the forty persons that called were not allowed to use the two minutes allocated to them before they were stopped. 

After they had introduced themselves, which lasted about fifteen seconds, the radio presenter would interrupt them by saying, "That is alright, thank you! Thank you!" 

And so he asked him why didn't he allow them to use the full two minutes allocated to them before stopping them.

And the local radio presenter said, "You see, l am a full blooded Nigerian and l know my people very well. I already knew what they were going to used the remained 105 seconds to say, hence l stopped them. This is a radio station and there are rules which we follow so that the authority wouldn't close it down".

And the foreign journalist said to him, "No, that is impossible! You can't know what someone is going to say when he or she hasn't said it. No, it is impossible, l repeat!"

And the Nigerian radio presenter said, "In Nigeria, it is a hundred percent possible! We radio presenters in Nigeria don't need to be told about what a Nigerian would say pertains to the government's achievements whenever they are given the opportunity to speak in a radio program after introducing themselves. We have their mind in our mouth". 

The foreign journalist disputed the radio presenter's allegations and so he asked him to say what he thought they were going to say using the 105 seconds that they were denied.

And the radio presenter said, "These are all they wanted to say, this Corrupt goverment, these liars, thieves, hopeless idiots, elections riggers, incompetent government, bunch of illiterates, oppressors, treasury looters, money launderers etc. May the devil baptize them in hell, may Ogun, god of iron kill them, may Sango, the god of thunder strikes them, may their planes crash in the middle of the deepest part of the seas where dangerous hungry looking sharks, whales and crocodiles live, may they never wake up from their sleep, may kidnappers and bandits locate their families etc" 

The foreign journalist collapsed!

AKALATOR, THE MYSTICAL AFRICAN FISH!

This fish Alakator can best be described as one of the most mysterious creature on earth. The most bizarre aspects of it is that yearly, it changes its head and tail's positions! If its head is on this side of its body this year, next year, its tail will be on this side. In other words, its head and tail interchange their positions yearly. 

During the dry season, it hibernates! It would go into the ground as long as the dry season lasts! During this period, it feeds on its own flesh. If you by any means dig into the ground and find it, only what you would see is only bones without flesh! You will think its the bones of a dead tilapia fish.

But when the rainy season comes, within two months, flesh will grow back on the bones and it will become fleshly again! Like resurrection, it will swim out into the fresh water to continue its normal life. It stays only in fresh waters in streams or Creeks, especially muddy areas.

It doesn't give birth like other fishes which lay eggs and later hatch them. Its fingerlings grow out of its body!

It looks like a neutral gender! Because everyone of it produces. But it seems that presently, it had extinct!

USES: It has a lot of uses!  Like:

1, curing of tuberculosis

2, Epilepsy

3, Autism

4, Stoke

5, Charms for someone to disappear during danger etc.

OTURUGBEKE, THE GREAT PROBLEM SOLVER!

Dear Oturugbeke. Sir, please l need your help urgently in regrads to a confusing dream l had two days ago.

I am Osifo Egbinovia writing from Edo State.

In my dream, l saw a rat selling rat killers.He was shouting to people to come and buy the latest powerful rat killers that will clear every rat from the homes.

Sir, what does this dream mean?

THE REPLY: 

Thank you Mr Egbinovia for contacting us. Your dream is totally spiritual hence we have to consult the spiritual dictionary, the Great ORACULUS-OPARAMULUS. 

It says that the dream is a warning to you from the spiritual realms. You are destroying humans like you in one way or the other. 

But the spiritual realm makes it clearer to your understanding that you are only destroying yourself! Whatever evil you are doing to others today will consume you in no time. In other words, you are digging your own grave! Restructure your life immediately before it is too late!

THESE ARE THE WORDS OF THE GREAT ORACULUS-OPARAMULU.

IT IS EASIER FOR SOMEONE TO SQUEEZE WATER OUT OF A STONE THAN FOR THE YOUTHS TO BECOME THE FUTURE LEADERS OF TOMORROW IN AFRICA!

Once upon a time, five persons were vying for the position of a President in one of the countries in Africa. Four were youths between the ages of 30 to 39 years while the other was a seventy five year old man. As the campaigns commenced vigorously, the seventy five years old man told the youths to step down for him. They told him that he should be the one to step down for them because it has always been said that the youths are the future leaders of tomorrow.

The man told the youths that they may not be able to fulfill what it takes to become a leader. The youths said that nothing the elderly can do that they will not be able to do.

Then about 2 O' clock in the morning, the seventy five years old man took them into a thick forest.

They soon found themselves in a particular spot. There were four roads that led in and out of it. The first road was blocked by thirty fierce looking hungry lions.Any living thing that dares it, will be eaten up in seconds!

The second road was a huge fire that extended about a million kilometres. Even from their position, the heat from the fire was almost consuming them!

The third road was a mighty sea that measured about six million kilometres length by four million kilometres width with millions of ferocious crocodiles, sharks and hippopotamuses.The fourth road which was the last one was free without any danger whatsoever! 

The man told them that anyone of them who can be able to pass any of the three roads and get home safely will definitely become the next president of the country. The four youths reasoned that they have not lived long enough on the planet earth and enjoyed the best of it and so, they cannot sacrifice their lives for the sake of leadership. They told the man that they can't pass any of the three roads which give fortune!

They all followed the fourth road which was the safe one and they came back to the city. They went home with many heavy thoughts in their mind! 

Now the seventy five years old man went to the market and he bought twenty goats. He then dragged them to the road which was blocked by the thirty fierce looking hungry lions. He pushed the goats towards the lions. As the lions rushed at the goats, he used that opportunity to pass through their midst. At the end of the road, he met a god who blessed him and said, "You have really tried. Blessed are you. The presidency chooses you. Go on victoriously and conquer!"

When the election finally came up, he won! The four youths who failed asked him, how was he able to have passed the stringent obstacles. And he said to them:

"GUYS, NO MOTHER WOULD TELL HER CHILD WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN HERSELF AND HER HUSBAND THAT LED TO THE PREGNANCY THAT PRODUCED HIM OR HER!"

N:B. THIS IS AFRICAN NATURAL STORIES, THE AFRICAN LIBRARY!

"MADAM, NOT EVERYTHING YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN!"

There was this single mother who lives with her only son. Because he was her only child, she Pampers him! But this little boy has the habit of doing things on his own without asking his mother for an assistance or directive.

Because of this, he makes several blunders! In such occasions, his mother would warn and advise him to always call her to help or direct him on whatever thing he wants to do. The boy then begins to call his mother for assistance or directive on whatever thing he does.

The mother was very happy about this. Even at eighteen years of age, he still calls his mother to assist or direct him on whatever thing he does. One day, he came to his mother and said,"Mother, there is this girl in my room. Come and show me how to make love to her or show me here so that l can go in there and do it exactly as you have showed me". 

THE MOTHER COLLAPSED!

Any man who says that he cannot satisfy his eyes by merely looking at the shape of the succulent breasts of a teenage girl from the dress must summit to the prison yard!