TIME OF FULFILMENT.

There was this guy who befriended a secondary school student. This girl was in the boardinghouse.

Often he dodged into the school to visit her. He was a money guy. Whenever he entered into the boardinghouse, he showered money on all the students.

At a time, the school's authority got to know about it and they detailed four soldiers to keep vigil on the back gate of the school. One Sunday evening, the guy came as usual. He went to the small passage and gained entry into the school premises. The soldiers waited. About ten minutes later, both of them came out through the small gate.

They walked into the waiting arms of the soldiers.

The soldiers then told them that the girl will get fifty strokes of the cane on her bottoms while the guy will be given a hundred.

The girl then said to the guy, "Darling, this is the time for you to show me your love. 

Remember you always say that you can do anything for my love, including dying for me, swimming across the ocean waters for my love, allowing a car to hit you instead of me.

Now, fulfill those promises by taking the fifty strokes of the cane for me".

GUY: Don't worry, Darling, l am always there for you. I will try!

But as the soldiers flogged him thirty strokes from his hundred strokes, he shouted, "Darling, l am dying O!

I don't think l can be able to take mine and yours O

Only thirty strokes from mine, l am beginning to see stars with different colours O.

Ah, God; l am dead! I need water O.

Officers, please let me have a little rest.

GIRLFRIEND: Please remember your words whenever you are on me! Please fulfill them!

GUY: Darling, promises made on top of a woman are as a result of the immediately enjoyment and cannot be kept under death threat!

Listen Darling, when a thief is going to steal, his words are always this: l will do everything to get it. I must move that thing today. But after he is caught, his words are this:

Please, l will never move anything O

I never said l will steal anything O

I will not do it again! 

Please, l repent!

Everyone for himself, God for all!

I can't survive mine let alone to add yours!

Love only exists when someone is alive not when someone is dead! 

It seems my two legs have shifted out of my waist.

THE HERBALIST LOVES THE SKIN OF THE LION BECAUSE HE IS GOING TO GAIN A LOT FROM IT BUT NO COURAGE TO FACE THE DREADFUL LOOKING LION!

A womanizer and a beautiful looking female soldier.

WOMANIZER: Emm, emm, good morning ma.

SOLDIER: Good morning.

WOMANIZER: Since l see you, my spirit don change. 

I nor know say soldier still dey fine like this.

SOLDIER: So, how may l help you?

WOMANIZER: I dey fear if not l for tell you say l love you.

SOLDIER: Can we go to your house?

WOMANIZER: I for say make we go but you see, l dey fear O.

SOLDIER: Let's go. Nothing to be worried about.

                 AFTER EATING AND DRINKING.

SOLDIER: Thank you very much. Can I go now?

WOMANIZER: No, What about some round of press up?

SOLDIER: Like how many round of press ups do you need?

WOMANIZER: Well, l would like six.

SOLDIER: Good, now , get on the ground and start. I am counting.

WOMANIZER: I mean you should undressed and let me feel the soldier in you.

SOLDIER:  Abomination! I should undress for you to do what?

WOMANIZER:  So that l can massage your back and later give you transport fare.

SOLDIER: No need for the massage. Just give me the transport fare.

WOMANIZER: Which kind of nonsense be this. Na fear make me loose that money so. Wahala dey sleep, yanga go Wake am. See those Apples wey stand up for her chest so, Abi make l rush am? See enjoyment see die.

Even as her chest stand up straight so, under my trousers just flat because of fear. My boy just go into deep sleep and become flat like truck pusher slippers.

I don really believe say the spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak. My mind indeed is willing but under my trousers is weak!

IDIOTS IN POLITICS

A JOURNALIST HAD THIS INTERVIEW WITH CHIEF,  DR HONOURABLE LALAKADA A CIEFTAIN OF THE XOT PARTY.

JOURNALIST: Sir, you are a chieftain of the XOT party which is also the ruling party.  Now, this is politics year and your party is going to face the tough opposition party, ROG. Do you think your party stands the chance of defeating this formidable opposition party?

IDIOT POLITICIAN: My dear. My party, the XOT party is the only party in the country. You can't compare the dead with the living. As far as l am concern, the ROG party is not a party but a gathering of touts, illiterates and jobless individuals with dead brains. It has no foundation and ideology. I am advising them to surrender and crawl on their knees to us to recruit them as thugs.

Our party, the XOT party is the only party with ideology, focus and tap root. The opposition party can't even win a counsellor's seat. I am saying that it is a dead party which can't even go into an election let alone to win an election.

Our party, the XOT party is the light while the so called touts and bunch of illiterates ROG party is the road that leads to hell. I pity for those in it. They are like condemned sinners suffering in hell fire.

AFTER THE ELECTION, THE ROG PARTY WON!  

                     SIX MONTHS LATER.

BREAKING NEWS! Chief Dr Honourable Lalakada, a chieftain of the XOT party just decamped to the ruling ROG party. No reason was given for his defection 

                                A week later,

JOURNALIST: Sir, you just dumped your so called golden party with ideology, tap root and focus to a party which you described that has no ideology, full with illiterates and jobless touts with dead brains. 

Will it be correct to say that you are also on your way to hell fire? Are you now a condemned sinner?

IDIOT POLITICIAN: No, no! Point of correction. I, as an individual, has the right to decamp to any party of my choice. I have realized that the ROG party is the only party in the country with full focus, ideology and internal democracy. They are so planned, structured and dedicated. Not like the XOT party without focus and ideology. 

Infact the XOT party is the worse party that l have ever seen;  full with brainless idiots. Imagine, a ruling party loosing an election. It is a disgrace of the highest order. 

I am in the right party. I regretted ever been in that nonsense party.

                      YEYE DEY SMELL LIKE HE GOAT.

HE WHO SAVES THE LION FROM THE PIT SHOULD BE READY FOR HIS IMMEDIATE FEEDINGS.

There was this landlord with a lot of tenants. Now, he was a divorcee. Due to his kindness towards his tenants, they advised him to marry another woman.

But he always told them that he preferred to remain single after all he has gotten six children. But the tenants pressurized him and he finally listen to them. He married a young lady.

But the second month after the marriage, he increased his house rent about 50%. The tenants became surprised and annoyed. They told him that they expected him to reduce their rent since he had brought in a woman to make him happy again. 

He told them that to kill either a policeman or a soldier man is not difficult but what will follow it is the problem.

He told them that for him to feed and take a very good care of her, he needed a lot of money and the only way for him to get such money is through the increment of the rent! They all collapsed.

GBA-GBOS LIVE! The big are only important in the society because we carry them up, leave them, they become ordinary!

The officials of the electricity distribution company aka NEPA over the years turned demigod to the people. They bring estimated outrageous bills, ask people to contribute money to buy and replace faulty transformers etc.

Recently, a community decided to cut off from the electricity distribution company's light. They started to cut off their cable wires. When the NEPA officials heard about it, they rushed down. They began to beg the people.

NEPA OFFICIALS: Please, please! Don't do that.

We know say we don fuckup. We beg una. Nor be small money we dey get from this please.

Make una nor comot una cables.

Na food una want to comot from our mouth so.

COMMUNITY: So una still dey beg?

Na devil catch una today.

Una never see anything O.

When una don collect money finish, una go dey drink beer with our money,  come dey cut people light anyhow.

We go burn the cable sell them to copper wire buyers.

NEPA OFFICIALS: Make una think again O.

We be una friend and customers O.

COMMUNITY: Which friend, una be?

Police wey say be our friend don help us before?

Who friend help?

Make una disappear before we burst bottle for una corrupt head. 

                               Yeye dey smell.