"MADAM, NOT EVERYTHING YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN!"

There was this single mother who lives with her only son. Because he was her only child, she Pampers him! But this little boy has the habit of doing things on his own without asking his mother for an assistance or directive.

Because of this, he makes several blunders! In such occasions, his mother would warn and advise him to always call her to help or direct him on whatever thing he wants to do. The boy then begins to call his mother for assistance or directive on whatever thing he does.

The mother was very happy about this. Even at eighteen years of age, he still calls his mother to assist or direct him on whatever thing he does. One day, he came to his mother and said,"Mother, there is this girl in my room. Come and show me how to make love to her or show me here so that l can go in there and do it exactly as you have showed me". 

THE MOTHER COLLAPSED!

Any man who says that he cannot satisfy his eyes by merely looking at the shape of the succulent breasts of a teenage girl from the dress must summit to the prison yard!

BIG AND WIDE SURPASSES ONLY BIG!

There was this man who came from Cross Rivers state to Delta state on a four day business trip. He lodged in a hotel. During the evening, he took a walk along the street opposite the hotel he lodged in. He saw a very pretty looking lady walking towards his direction.

He wasted no time, he woos her! After some minutes, the lady yielded to his demand! They went to a bar and had some soft drinks and snacks. Later both of them went to the hotel where he lodged. On seeing the hotel, the lady exclaimed, "WAO! This hotel is big!"

And the man said, "Well, we Cross Rivers people love big things". When they finally got into the man's room, the lady exclaimed, " WAO! This room is big!" And the man said, "There you are! We Cross Rivers people love big things".

They then went into the bathroom to have a shower. On entering into the bathroom, the lady exclaimed once more, " WAO! This bathroom is big! " And the man said, "Lady, remember, we Cross Rivers people, love big things".

The man first took off his clothes. When the lady saw his manhood, she exclaimed, " WAO! You are big!" And the man said, "Lady, bear it in mind that we Cross Rivers people love big things" 

Then the lady herself took off her clothes. She has big buttocks, breasts and wide private part. And the man exclaimed, "Are you also from Cross Rivers or are you related there? You are even bigger than the Cross Rivers people, wonderful!"

THE NEW ARITHMETIC FORMULA KNOWN AS "THE SON OF A WITCH".

Once upon a time, my five years old son who was in kindergarten 3, returned from school and l asked him what did he do at school. He told me that they did arithmetic. 

I then asked him the topic. He told me it was 'addition of numbers'. I asked him further if he can summarise it to my hearing. 

He said, "We were taught that:

One plus one, the son of a witch makes two!

Two plus two, the son of a witch makes four!

Four plus four, the son of a witch makes eight! Etc.

The next morning, l followed him to the school to see his teacher. I queried the teacher why did he have to teach the kids such horrible things.

And he said:

Sir, l only taught them that:

One plus one, the sum of which makes two and two plus two, the sum of which makes four and four plus four, the sum of which makes eight!

NA THERE I SHOUT SAY, I GO DIE O!

THE NEW AILMENT CALLED "PAOMA"

I travelled to the village one weekend. A female relation of mine wasn't feeling too well. She was feeling weak with each passing day.  To further worsen the matter, she gave birth to a set of twins not quite long.

I then gave her money to go to the village health care centre for a checkup. When she returned, she told me that the doctor said she has 'PAOMA'. I became surprised because l have never heard about that ailment once.

She said it was a new ailment according to the doctor.

I then accompanied her down. I asked the doctor what type of ailment was PAOMA that my sister was suffering from. It was then he told me that she was suffering from "TRAUMA" not "PAOMA"

NA THERE I SHOUT SAY, I GO DIE O!

"GENERATION OF BORROWERLISM!"

One morning a woman engaged her husband in a fierce exchange of words.

WIFE: You are a good for nothing drunkard.

You are a womanizer and nothing else!

HUSBAND: I agreed. But l am far better than you who is a debtor! You borrowed money from my town's meeting, your town's meeting and our church females meeting with no means of paying back!

Your daughter borrowed airtime and data from GLO, MTN and AIRTEL without no means of paying back!

Nigeria borrowed money from Swiss Bank, China and world Bank with no means of paying back!

Congratulation, generation of borrowerlism!

THE UNKNOWN CAREER!

There was this woman, a single mother with two children, a boy and a girl. Both of them were in their final year in the primary school. One afternoon after they had closed from school, their proprietress came to their mother and said, "Madam, we are having our career day next week. That is the day all the pupils in primary six will choose the career they would like to become in the future.

Each pupil is expected to put on the uniform that depicts the career he or she would like to be in the future. We can get the uniform of any career your children chose for you at a token fee of just N10,00 per a child. 

Now, the mother who obviously can't afford the money decided to play a fast one on the proprietress.

She said to her, "Madam Proprietress, thank you. But you see, my children cannot participate in that careers' day because they have chosen their careers. The boy chose after his father and the girl chose after me. 

Before my husband got married to me and after he left me till now, he is an arm robber; and l, before l got married to him till now, l have been an ASHAWO, that is a 'prostitute'.

Our children chose after our careers, robber and a prostitute. Do you have the uniforms for an arm robber and a prostitute? If yes, then, l will try to get the money".

The proprietress collapsed and fainted.

Two days later, she regained consciousness and she went back to the woman and she said, "Madam, l am sorry for all that happened. But thank God that l am back hale and hearty! We must conclude the career's day preparation before l go. 

I can get the uniform of an arm robber for you. It is usually rough looking with a Hood which he would use to cover his face and probably, a pistol and a knife. Then that of the girl is usually a very short transparent miniskirt that exposes her laps and her pant with a short transparent blouse that exposes her breasts with red looking lipsticks and a chewing gum and a small bag that she would hang on her shoulder. With these, they are good to go!"

When the mother saw that the proprietress was bent on getting the money at all cost, she decided to put a final and deadly blow on the plan and so she said, "Madam, proprietress, l will give you the money on the ground that your eighteen years old son that is in the university will come and put on the clothes so that he would walk past a police station first, if nothing happens, then l will pay. And your sixteen old daughter, Evenly will put on the prostitute's clothes and she would go to a prison to give condemned male prisoners food. When she returned, then l will pay for my daughter".

And the proprietress collapsed for the last time and transited to an everlasting coma!