After many years of joblessness, l finally secured a job in a brewery. A beer manufacturing company!
My first day at work, O, boy, come see free beer! It has been long, that guy man tasted beer! The next day, l went to work with a glass inside my bag. Once it is twelve O'Clock, everyone would got out of the warehouse for an hour break.
But as for me, l hid myself behind some crates of beer. After everyone had gone for break, l swung into action! My people, come see as una guy dey take dey wound beer! In less than thirty minutes, l have vandalized fifteen bottles of beer into my stomach. I dose off. I remained there till they closed and locked me in there.
During the midnight hours, l woke up only to find myself alone inside the warehouse. I was hungry and my head ached. I went and wound more bottles. I later dose off again. In the morning, those sweeping the warehouse found me sleeping and snoring loudly like a native doctor of an evil spirit. They raised an alarm. The manager came and he called in the security men to push me outside.
I staggered out not knowing where l was heading to. O boy, come see the way l dey wave from one side of the road to the other like a dried leaf wey breeze dey blow anyhow. There was a roadside restaurant outside the gate. Some policemen packed their van in front of the restaurant with its doors wide opened. They went into the restaurant to eat.
As l staggered across the road with my full senses being controlled by the spirit of alcoholism, l saw the police Van's doors wide opened! I thought it was my room door.
I staggered into it and l lied on the seat and l slept off!
In the evening l woke up only to find myself in the police cell. I asked them who brought me there. They said that it was Mr Beer! I tried to go home but they told me that l have to bail myself. They charged me with the following offences:
1. Drinking of beer without permission.
2. Self attempted murder.
3. Constituting a public nuisance.
4. Unlawfully entering into a police van etc.
However my manager came to bail me. At the month end, l received a letter saying: We are sorry to tell you that your services is no longer needed. Secondly, no salary for you because we deducted the number of beer that you enjoyed from your salary and the remained, we spent on your bail. You are not to be seen in or around this premises from this moment. As l try to beg, the security men came and bundled me out!
NA THERE I SHOUT SAY I GO DIE OOOOOP!
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