WELCOME TO 2026 STAR JOKE TO START THE YEAR!
There was this seventy years old man who lived all alone in a compound which had a lot of tenants. Since he lived all alone in a one room apartment, he decided to make his domestic chores easier for him in terms of fetching of water. He bought a big drum which he filled with water.
For them to get water was about a half kilometre away; and so he fills the drum during the night hours. Now there were a lot of tenants in the compound. Some were traders, others were commercial tricycle riders and the rest were university students.
Most of them used the old man's water without telling him. Whenever he asked who used his water, they would all kept quiet. He would shout and shout but nobody would agreed to have used the water.
One Saturday evening, he filled the drum with water and he padlocked it. He told his fellow tenants that he was going to the city to see his children. He warned them never to get anywhere near his water because he an old man can't fetch water for the young ones. He told them that anybody who touches his water on his behalf would go mad. He then poured a chemical that itches the body into the water!
They just laughed at his words and they said within themselves. "He can't stop us from taking his water because water does not have an enemy. We are going to finish the water and nothing would happen. Nobody would go mad because of water. It is an empty boast".
On Monday morning, they all broke the padlock and emptied the drum. They bathed with the water. Some went to market, some went to school and others went to ride their tricycles.
Two hours later, there was a pandemonium as the itching chemical swung into action! Those who were in their lecture halls ran out into the nearby bushes; scratching and scrubbing their bodies with any object they can lay their hands on! They stripped themselves naked, rolling on the ground.
Those in the market also ran in different directions pulling off their clothes as they ran! They fell on the ground scratching and scrubbing their bodies with any object at their disposal!
Those driving their tricycles were not left out! Theirs was even worse as many jumped out of their moving tricycles and ran into the bushes. Meanwhile their tricycles were moving on with their passengers without a driver on the driver's seat! They were seen in nude shouting and running like people who were possessed by Bezebub, the king of demons!
Four days later, the old man returned home but by then those who were admitted in the hospitals have been discharged! He also had been told about what took place on his behalf. As he arrived the compound, nobody greeted him.
The second day of his arrival, his best friend came to see him. This friend of his was with him the day he warned his neighbours not to get anywhere near his water or they will become mad. And so he asked his friend if they tempered with his water. He replied him that the drum was emptied! His friend smiled and said, "So upon all the curses you lay that anybody who touches your water will become mad did not work. What a powerless tongue you have!"
And the old man said, "Didn't you hear that they stripped themselves naked?"
His friend said to him, "You didn't curse them to become naked but to become mad!"
The old man then said, "My friend, let me tell you what you don't know about the word "MADNESS". Listen, madness is not when you either talk to yourself or be walking from one place to the other. What qualified a person as being mad is the "NAKEDNESS!" So, as far they have stripped themselves naked means they have become mad!
Let me tell you. If either a President or a governor or king should strip himself naked and walk on the street, the next minute you will hear and see it on breaking news that he is mad! Let us do it practical now. Just strip yourself naked and go to that shop to buy bread whether your name will henceforth not changed to "THAT MAD MAN".
So, my friend, my curse worked perfectly, no comma!"
CAN YOU BEAT THAT?
At the end of every year, we usually give out a Star Joke also at the beginning of every year, we also begin the year with a Star Joke.
Junior is one of those students who believes that education is a scam! Because of this, he doesn't take his education seriously! He always tells his father that he cannot dissipates his energy on reading his books which he believes cannot give him any brighter future. He has this nonchalant attitude towards education. All efforts by his father to persuades or encourage him to be focussed on his education proved futile!
One day, some Christian gospel preachers came to his school to preach and encourage the students to be hardworking. They quoted a particular Bible chapter and verse to buttress their preaching. The preaching was centered on judgement day!
When Junior returned home, the following ensued between him and his father.
JUNIOR: Dad, is it true that on judgment day, books will be opened?
FATHER: Exactly, my son!
JUNIOR: What type of books that will be opened, Dad?
FATHER: Your mathematics and English language text books which are full of zero!
JUNIOR: Dad, then; what does that mean?
FATHER: It means that you lived a zero life on earth and that is exactly what God hates! God doesn't tolerate lazy people especially those who lived a zero life like you. Direct hell fire!
JUNIOR: Dad, please, l don't want God to be angry with me. I will take my education very serious henceforth. Please, God forgive me, education is not a scam!
NB, "I AM NOT AFRAID OF DEATH, LET DEATH COME, MAN DIES BUT ONCE!" These are the words we say when death is either sleeping or a trillion of miles away and not when death is at your doorstep looking you!
E' BE LIKE SAY, THE POLICE TAKE ME SHINE O!'
Long ago, there was a certain secondary school that we usually go to play football every evening. There was no fence round it. At a time, some members of staff of the school began to park their cars in the school premises. At this stage, they warned us not to play football on the field so that we won't break their cars glasses!
We begged them that we would be careful. But they took no chances. They told the police to be monitoring the school and any body seen playing football should be arrested. We became very vigilant! As we played football, we keep our eyes on the four entrances leading into the school.
Whenever we see the police coming, we would ran away. This continued till one evening, when we were playing a match. Before we could see the police, they were closed on us. However, we took to our heels facing different directions. Eight of us, including myself, ran towards the waterside. We are good swimmers and we know that we can easily escape through the river.
Now, there was a big gate at the entrance of the route to the river. I was putting on a pink short and a black T-shirt. As the police chased after us, l heard one of them saying to the others, "Officers, let's focused our pursuit on that slim boy with pink short and black T-shirt. Leave the others. We must catch him, if he likes, let him run to heaven. He will takes us to the houses of the others, after we might have held him".
As l turned, they were all chasing after me! But l still have the hope that once l get to the river, for them to catch me will be a bad history for them. But behold, as l got to the gate, it was shut! In front of me was the big closed gate preventing me from moving further and behind me were the detachment of the fully armed policemen! What will l do? As l tried if l could climb, A kick on my back sent me crashing to the ground. As l looked, behold, the end of the road!
NA THERE I SHOUT SAY, "I GO DIE O!"
A guy was anchoring a radio phone call program one night. FIRST CALLER: l am calling you from the mortuary.
PRESENTER: You are welcome my fellow spirit. Can you invite me over?
SECOND CALLER: I am calling you from the cemetery.
PRESENTER: You are welcome my fellow spirit. Can you invite me over?
THIRD CALLER: I am calling you from the emergency ward in the hospital.
PRESENTER. This program is not for people like you who are still alive. Call back later when you have died.
THIRD CALLER: Infact, l left the emergency ward for the mortuary last month. Then last week, l left the mortuary for the cemetery my permanent home. I am in the mortuary to see if l can take anyone who is ready to the mortuary. Please, can l invite you over.
The presenter immediately off his mic.
JOKES, CAUSE LAUGHTER WHILE REALITY CAUSES PANIC AND FEAR!
JUNIOR AT IT AGAIN!
JUNIOR: Dad, who is a first lady?
FATHER: The first woman a man sleeps with either through formication or sexual abuse.
JUNIOR: Dad, so all these first ladies that we hear about daily are like that!
FATHER: Exactly, my son!
JUNIOR: Dad, E be like say kirikiri, maximum security prison naim dey call you so! I don't want to become fatherless now O
You better use our saviour, "ALLEGEDLY"
SENSE WEY PASS SENSE NAIM BE WAYO!
Long ago, my mother gave me the sum of 50k, the highest currency then for me to go to the market and bought foodstuffs. On my way l saw a duck and about six beautiful looking ducklings! I love ducklings and so l began to admire them. I was holding the money on my hand.
One guy told me that l should hold the money with my left hand and use a stick to hit one of the ducklings dead, that the money that l was holding would automatically becomes ten fifty naira notes! I wasted no time, l got a stick and hit one of the ducklings dead!
Immediately, a crowd gathered around me and they told me that what l have done was a taboo and the only remedy for me to remain alive was for me to put the 50K on the corpse of the duckling if not, l will die in seven days time!I did it in no time! I then walked a head. A certain man asked me what happened and l told him. He asked me to go back immediately and take the money and proceed on the errand my mother sent me. But when l got there, behold, my money was gone!
What would l tell my mother that happened to a whole 50K which is equivalent to our present days N50,000?
NA THERE I SHOUT SAY I GO DIE O!
THE FALL OF COCOA, RUBBER AND HIDES AND SKINS GAVE BIRTH TO OIL BUSINESS! What a lucrative business it is!
VIPS' SECURITY WITHDRAWAL!
At the home of one of the law enforcement agents.
WIFE: Darling, what is this bad news that l am hearing? That the president has ordered all of you to be immediately withdrawn from the VIPs? Why would the president do that? He is taking food from our mouth.
Imagine what chief does for us! Chief is the one taking care of us. During Christmas and new year celebrations, he buys clothes, rice and chickens for us. The house that my husband is building now is from the benefits chief gives him. Whenever my hair is due, his wife usually transfers money to me to retouch it! Merely door of the car that my husband will open for his wife or carry bag follow her to market or follow the children to their friends' birthday party, twenty thousand naira!
How can we survive now? President, na curse you curse us so!
SOMEWHERE DOWNTOWN
WIFE: Papa Gragra! Papa Gragra!, what is this good news that l am hearing? That the President has ordered all security details of VIPs to be withdrawn? That is a blessing O!
NATIVE DOCTOR, HUSBAND: My wife, you can't believed it! I have so far received not less than twenty calls from VIPs asking for native protection!
WIFE: No, no, no! Look, let me fix the prices for you. Charms to protect against gunshot is two million naira. Charms that protects someone against kidnapping, five million naira, no addition, no subtraction! This is our opportunity to eat politics money. This is our own oil wells!
NB, ONE MAN'S DOWNFALL IS ANOTHER MAN'S BLESSING.
A STAR JOKE!
About a month ago, there was a terrible rainstorm. Many buildings have their roofs blown off. There is this Carpenter who lives in my neighbourhood. He became very happy the next morning when he saw the enormous destructions done to the buildings in the neighbourhood. He continued to thank God for giving him much jobs for him to have money.
"Thank you, Lord, thank you Lord," he sang. Immediately after the rainstorm, he began to receive calls from people for him to come and mend their broken doors, Windows and brown off roofs! He was overjoyed!
After about a week of an intensive works, he realized about four hundred thousand naira! He was so thankful to God. His joy knew no bound! He walks two feet taller! And he prayed, "Almighty God, please, let there be more of this type of rainstorm from time to time. I will continue to pay my vow, tithes and worship you daily, Amen".
Two weeks after, he got an urgent call from his aged father in the village to come down immediately. When he got there, his father was homeless. The entire roofs of his house was blown off! Without wasting time, he went and bought two bundles of zinc and wood and ceiling. This cost him two hundred thousand naira! He fixed everything and he returned home.
The next day, he got a phone call from his father in-law in the village. He said, "My amiable brave in-law. How are you? You know that your wife is my only child and l am old. My entire roofs and ceilings and the windows and doors were completely damaged by the rainstorm. I am presently sleeping in the open! Please, come down and help me. This is the first time that l have made such a request from you".
He went there. His money was not enough! He has to take a loan of four hundred thousand naira in addition to his own money. When he had done everything, he shouted angrily, "Lord God, please look at my knees on the bare floor! Don't ever allow this type of rainstorm again on earth! I will ever remain committed to your worship if this type of rainstorm is not witnessed again. It is evil! It is satanic! It is a catastrophical doomed!"
NB, WHEN IT HAPPENED TO OUR NEIGHBOURS, IT IS NORMAL! But when it harms us, we would say it is not good.
What happened to another person is like what happened to a non living thing!
DRUGS THAT CURE DEATH
Long ago, some local drugs sellers came to our village to market their locally produced drugs. The amazing thing about the whole activities was that the drugs can cure any type of ailment according to them! They made a huge sales!
After they had gone, l thought it was a good business. I then bought two giant gallons of honey and l mixed them with milk, l then sacked them and off l went to the interior villages where l know that the people were stark illiterates!
I began to shout:
EVERYBODY COME OUT!
THE HEAVENLY CURE THAT GOD HAS HIDDEN FROM MANKIND FOR YEARS IS HERE!
THE SECRET WHY THE CELESTIAL BEINGS DON'T DIE IS HERE!
THIS IS THE GREATEST MEDICINE PRODUCED BY GOD HIMSELF.
WE JUST DISCOVERED IT NOW!
IT CURES DEATH!
ONCE YOU TAKE ONE SPOONFUL, DEATH IS GONE FOREVER!
YOU CAN THEN LIVE FOREVER!
TRY IT TODAY!
A TRIAL WILL CONVINCE YOU!
Come and see bumper sales! Nobody wants to die and so everyone tries to get it.
I tasted it before l handed it to them. The business was more lucrative than forex trade! In less than a month l was already swimming in millions! Then one day, l went to a certain market. As usual, they thronged me!
TROUBLE SHOOTING!
After they had bought to their satisfaction, some huge looking guys came and they asked me whether l can guarantee them that after drinking it, no death will come to them. I beat my chest with my hands that nothing can kill them after drinking it!
They asked me to drink it for them to be sure. I took two cups without delay. Suddenly, they brought out a very long and sparkling double edged cutlass and a loaded double barrel gun. As l looked at the cutlass, it was manufactured by a certain cutlasses and knives industry in my area. It was this industry's cutlasses that those butchers in my area use to butcher cows! It cuts off the neck of a cow with one stroke!
They said, "Oga, we just want to be sure of the efficacy of the medicine. We are going to use the cutlass on your neck seven times and if it fails, then we will use the gun. We have enough cartridges here with us". As a ten feet tall man held the cutlass, it dawned on me that the end has come.
NA THERE I SHOUT SAY, I GO DIE I!
NB, When a hunter is too much in a hurry, he would ends up shooting at the sound of the animal instead of the animal itself!
"LET MY ENEMIES LIVE LONG FOR THEM TO SEE WHAT I WILL BE IN THE FUTURE!"
JUNIOR AT IT AGAIN!
JUNIOR: Dad, you see, some of the sayings of our forefathers are not right. They are not in tune with our present days realities! For example, they say that, "Let my enemies live long for them to see what l will be in the future". This is not practicable today!
FATHER: Look here my son, our forefathers' saying are very accurate, no mistake! Now, look at this. I have a lot of enemies right from my childhood. Reuben's father and l were classmates. He has been my enemy right from childhood. When l was struggling with my education, he was making jest of me. He dropped out of school in primary four saying that education is too difficult.
He began to insults and jeers at me. But today, l am a graduate and a master degree holder while he is sitting on a Royal chair of illiteracy! I didn't give birth in time, he was mocking at me, calling me names such as sterile man who can't impregnates a woman because he has a lot of children.
But today, two of you my children are in the university. One in UNIBEN and the other in UNIPORT. But the four children he has are selling petrol as petrol attendants in UNIPETROL!
I am using a car why he walks on barefoot! Can't you see that he lives long hence he can now see how my life has changed from bad to the best in the future? I cook soup with meat and fish and l use crayfish and lobsters to spice it while he cooks soup with rats and uses cockroaches to spice it!Can't you see what l have become in the future?
NB, An empty gun and the carcass of a lion are twins because both hold the monopoly of fear!
16th December 2025. 3:00am.
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