At the end of every year, we usually give out a Star Joke also and also at the beginning of every year, we also begin the year with a Star Joke.
Junior is one of those students who believes that education is a scam! Because of this, he doesn't take his education seriously! He always tells his father that he cannot dissipates his energy on reading his books which he believes cannot give him any brighter future. He has this nonchalant attitude towards education. All efforts by his father to persuades or encourage him to be focussed on his education proved futile!
One day, some Christian gospel preachers came to his school to preach and encourage the students to be hardworking. They quoted a particular Bible chapter and verse to buttress their preaching. The preaching was centered on judgement day!
When Junior returned home, the following ensued between him and his father.
JUNIOR: Dad, is it true that on judgment day, books will be opened?
FATHER: Exactly, my son!
JUNIOR: What type of books that will be opened, Dad?
FATHER: Your mathematics and English language text books which are full of zero!
JUNIOR: Dad, then; what does that mean?
FATHER: It means that you lived a zero life on earth and that is exactly what God hates! God doesn't tolerate lazy people especially those who lived a zero life like you. Direct hell fire!
JUNIOR: Dad, please, l don't want God to be angry with me. I will take my education very serious henceforth. Please, God forgive me, education is not a scam!
NB, "I AM NOT AFRAID OF DEATH, LET DEATH COME, MAN DIES BUT ONCE!" These are the words we say when death is either sleeping or a trillion of miles away and not when death is at your doorstep looking you!
E' BE LIKE SAY, THE POLICE TAKE ME SHINE O!'
Long ago, there was a certain secondary school that we usually go to play football every evening. There was no fence round it. At a time, some members of staff of the school began to park their cars in the school premises. At this stage, they warned us not to play football on the field so that we won't break their cars glasses!
We begged them that we would be careful. But they took no chances. They told the police to be monitoring the school and any body seen playing football should be arrested. We became very vigilant! As we played football, we keep our eyes on the four entrances leading into the school.
Whenever we see the police coming, we would ran away. This continued till one evening, when we were playing a match. Before we could see the police, they were closed on us. However, we took to our heels facing different directions. Eight of us, including myself, ran towards the waterside. We are good swimmers and we know that we can easily escape through the river.
Now, there was a big gate at the entrance of the route to the river. I was putting on a pink short and a black T-shirt. As the police chased after us, l heard one of them saying to the others, "Officers, let's focused our pursue on that slim boy with pink short and black T-shirt. Leave the others. We must catch him, if he likes, let him run to heaven. He is going to take us to the houses of the others, after we might have held him".
As l turned, they were all chasing after me! But l still have the hope that once l get to the river, for them to catch me will be a bad history for them. But behold, as l got to the gate, it was shut! In front of me was the big closed gate preventing me from moving further and behind me were the detachment of the fully armed policemen! What will l do? As l tried if l could climb, A kick on my back sent me crashing to the ground. As l looked, behold, the end of the road!
NA THERE I SHOUT SAY, "I GO DIE O!"
THE REAL SPIRIT
A guy was anchoring a radio phone call program one night. FIRST CALLER: l am calling you from the mortuary.
PRESENTER: You are welcome my fellow spirit. Can you invite me over?
SECOND CALLER: I am calling you from the cemetery.
PRESENTER: You are welcome my fellow spirit. Can you invite me over?
THIRD CALLER: I am calling you from the emergency ward in the hospital.
PRESENTER. This program is not for people like you who are still alive. Call back later when you have died.
THIRD CALLER: Infact, l left the emergency ward for the mortuary last month. Then last week, l left the mortuary for the cemetery my permanent home. I am in the mortuary to see if l can take anyone who is ready to the mortuary. Please, can l invite you over.
The presenter immediately off his mic.
JOKES, CAUSE LAUGHTER WHILE REALITY CAUSES PANIC AND FEAR!
JUNIOR AT IT AGAIN!
JUNIOR: Dad, who is a first lady?
FATHER: The first woman a man sleeps with either through formication or sexual abuse.
JUNIOR: Dad, so all these first ladies that we hear about daily are like that!
FATHER: Exactly, my son!
JUNIOR: Dad, E be like say kirikiri, maximum security prison naim dey call you so! I don't want to become fatherless now O
You better use our saviour, "ALLEGEDLY"
SENSE WEY PASS SENSE NAIM BE WAYO!
Long ago, my mother gave me the sum of 50k, the highest currency then for me to go to the market and bought foodstuffs. On my way l saw a duck and about six beautiful looking ducklings! I love ducklings and so l began to admire them. I was holding the money on my hand.
One guy told me that l should hold the money with my left hand and use a stick to hit one of the ducklings dead, that the money that l was holding would automatically becomes ten fifty naira notes! I wasted no time, l got a stick and hit one of the ducklings dead!
Immediately, a crowd gathered around me and they told me that what l have done was a taboo and the only remedy for me to remain alive was for me to put the 50K on the corpse of the duckling if not, l will die in seven days time!I did it in no time! I then walked a head. A certain man asked me what happened and l told him. He asked me to go back immediately and take the money and proceed on the errand my mother sent me. But when l got there, behold, my money was gone!
What would l tell my mother that happened to a who 50K which is equivalent to our present days N50,000?
NA THERE I SHOUT SAY I GO DIE O!
THE FALL OF COCOA, RUBBER AND HIDES AND SKINS GAVE BIRTH TO OIL BUSINESS! What a lucrative business it is!
VIPS' SECURITY WITHDRAWAL!
At the home of one of the law enforcement agents.
WIFE: Darling, what is this bad news that l am hearing? That the president has ordered all of you to be immediately withdrawn from the VIPs? Why would the president do that? He is taking food from our mouth.
Imagine what chief does for us! Chief is the one taking care of us. During Christmas and new year celebrations, he buys clothes, rice and chickens for us. The house that my husband is building now is from the benefits chief gives him. Whenever my hair is due, his wife usually transfers money to me to retouch it! Merely door of the car that my husband will open for his wife or carry bag follow her to market or follow the children to their friends' birthday party, twenty thousand naira!
How can we survive now? President, na curse you curse us so!
SOMEWHERE DOWNTOWN
WIFE: Papa Gragra! Papa Gragra!, what is this good news that l am hearing? That the President has ordered all security details of VIPs to be withdrawn? That is a blessing O!
NATIVE DOCTOR, HUSBAND: My wife, you can't believed it! I have so far received not less than twenty calls from VIPs asking for native protection!
WIFE: No, no, no! Look, let me fix the prices for you. Charms to protect against gunshot is two million naira. Charms that protects someone against kidnapping, five million naira, no addition, no subtraction! This is our opportunity to eat politics money. This is our own oil wells!
NB, ONE MAN'S DOWNFALL IS ANOTHER MAN'S BLESSING.
A STAR JOKE!
About a month ago, there was a terrible rainstorm. Many buildings have their roofs blown off. There is this Carpenter who lives in my neighbourhood. He became very happy the next morning when he saw the enormous destructions done to the buildings in the neighbourhood. He continued to thank God for giving him much jobs for him to have money.
"Thank you, Lord, thank you Lord," he sang. Immediately after the rainstorm, he began to receive calls from people for him to come and mend their broken doors, Windows and brown off roofs! He was overjoyed!
After about a week of an intensive works, he realized about four hundred thousand naira! He was so thankful to God. His joy knew no bound! He walks two feet taller! And he prayed, "Almighty God, please, let there be more of this type of rainstorm from time to time. I will continue to pay my vow, tithes and worship you daily, Amen".
Two weeks after, he got an urgent call from his aged father in the village to come down immediately. When he got there, his father was homeless. The entire roofs of his house was blown off! Without wasting time, he went and bought two bundles of zinc and wood and ceiling. This cost him two hundred thousand naira! He fixed everything and he returned home.
The next day, he got a phone call from his father in-law in the village. He said, "My amiable brave in-law. How are you? You know that your wife is my only child and l am old. My entire roofs and ceilings and the windows and doors were completely damaged by the rainstorm. I am presently sleeping in the open! Please, come down and help me. This is the first time that l have made such a request from you".
He went there. His money was not enough! He has to take a loan of four hundred thousand naira in addition to his own money. When he had done everything, he shouted angrily, "Lord God, please look at my knees on the bare floor! Don't ever allow this type of rainstorm again on earth! I will ever remain committed to your worship if this type of rainstorm is not witnessed again. It is evil! It is satanic! It is a catastrophical doomed!"
NB, NA SO E DEY BE WHEN E PROFIT US! YOU GO DEY PRAY MAKE AM HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN!
But when it harms us, we would say it is not good.
What happened to another person is like what happened to a nonliving thing!
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