OTURUGBEKE

Dear Oturugbeke, l need your urgent advice or I would do something stupid.

I am a sixteen year old boy living with my parents.
Sometimes, we normally play hide and seek game in our compound with girls of the same age with us.
One Saturday morning, we were playing this game and a girl hits me and she ran towards the bathroom. I chased after her but she quickly his herself.

When I saw the bathroom door shut, I thought she was hiding in there and so I pushed the door open. Only for me to see my mother bathing. I was accused of seeing my mother's nakedness which was a taboo. I was asked to buy a he goat to appeals the ancestors. I was forced to abandon school for about three weeks to work the money. They said that I am not to eat of the meal which would be prepared with the goat.

I then bought a very big he goat and gave it to the elders. They used it to prepare a sumptuous pepper soup. The aroma of the pepper soup was irresistible!
I just take a piece of meat and ate after the cooking.
Only for the elders to tell me that I am not eligible to eat of the goat and since I have tasted it, the whole sacrifice is a waste and so I should go and buy another goat bring it to them.

I agreed and told them since the first one has been rejected according to them, they should give the food to me so that I would enjoy it with my friends. They said that the first meal has entered voicemail and so it would not be given to me. I told them that I won't buy another goat because for me to get money would not be easy. They told me that if I failed, then I would become mad.

Ignored them. But within five days, l had about three dreams and I saw myself mad on the street and little children were stoning and taunting me about.

Do you think that I am really going to mad in the physical world? For Smart.

                                  THE REPLY:

Thank you for contacting us for help.
Since your case was spiritual, we went and consulted our spiritual dictionary, the great ORACULUS-OPARAMULUS.

It says that you are a very stupid boy. The ancestors say that they enticed you to eat the meat contrary the warning to you not to eat so that you would buy another goat because your incest has become unbearable. They say that you have a coalition of abominations upon your hands.

That the girls that you play hide and seek game with are your sisters and relations. That you kiss them, touch their breasts and bottoms in the bathroom and you have been warned severally but you remained adamant. This is to cleans all your abominable!

They said that they have prepared the loads of your madness should you refused to buy the goat.

YOU HEAR ME? STUBBORN IDIOT.
YEYE DEY SMELL!