"OTURUGBEKE"

DEAR OTURUGBEKE, I AM A THIRTY YEAR OLD MAN. I AM PRESENTLY LIVING IN A DILAPIDATED MUD HOUSE WHICH WAS ROOFED WITH THATCH LEAVES BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO AFFORD A GOOD ACCOMMODATION. NOW, FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS, I HAVE BEEN HAVING A PARTICULAR DREAM REPEATEDLY. THIS DISTURBS ME A LOT. I NORMALLY DREAM OF MAKING LOVE WITH DIFFERENT ROUGH AND DIRTY LOOKING MAD LADIES WHO ARE NAKED AND STINKING. I TOLD MY PASTOR ABOUT IT AND HE SAID THAT I SHOULD BE HAPPY BECAUSE IT IS A SIGN OF INCOMING BLESSINGS AND RICHES. HE SAID THAT MY LIFE WILL SOON CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. IS IT REALLY TRUE? I AM CONFUSED BECAUSE I CONTINUE TO HAVE THE SAME DREAM REPEATEDLY. HELP ME. FROM MR, AGBAKA.                                                                               DEAR MR AGBAKA. THANK YOUR STAR FOR CONSULTING US IN TIME BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.  SINCE, IT IS A SPIRITUAL CASE, WE HAVE TO CONSULT OUR SPIRITUAL DICTIONARY, THE "ORACULOUS OPARAMULOUS". IT SAYS YOU SHOULDN'T MIND YOUR PASTOR BECAUSE HE IS DECEIVING YOU. THE DREAM MEANS THAT YOUR HARDSHIP HAD COMPLETED BOTH KINDERGARTEN, PRIMARY, SECONDARY AND UNIVERSITY AND IT SAT FOR THE EXAMINATION OF LIFE AND IT TOOK BOTH FIRST POSITIONS AND FIRST CLASS UPPER RESPECTIVELY AND IT HAS BEEN AWARDED PHD CERTIFICATE IN POVERTY. VERY SOON BOTH YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN WILL BEGIN TO MAD. AND IF YOU  SHOULD BY ANY MEANS DIE AS IT IS NOW, WILL EVEN WORSEN THE SITUATION BECAUSE EVEN HELL WILL NOT ACCEPT YOU SO THAT YOU WON'T GO AND IMPOVERISHED IT WITH YOUR HARDSHIP. HELL IS THE RICHEST PLACE BECAUSE ALL THE WICKED RICH PEOPLE  WHO HAVE OPPRESSED AND DUPED THE POOR ON EARTH ARE ALL THERE. SINCE YOU GOT THE DEGREE IN POVERTY, THE ONLY REMEDY FOR YOU NOW IS TO BEGIN TO SOAK AND DRINK GARRI EACH MORNING WITH KERNEL OR BETTER STILL KILL RATS AND ROAST THEM TO SOAK GARRI FOR YOUR BREAKFAST. RATS ARE THE MOST COMMON ANIMALS TO GET. JUST GO TO ANY REFUSE DUMP AND KILL AS MANY AS YOU LIKE. IN THE AFTERNOON, EAT TWO TOADS, TWO FROGS AND TWO LIZARDS. THEN, IN THE EVENING, SOAK GARRI IN OGOGORO alias ALCOHOL AND DRINK WITH YOUR CHILDREN. DO THIS FOR TWO YEARS AND YOUR CONDITION WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY IN WHICH YOUR PRESENT SITUATION CAN BE CHANGED. I REALLY ENVY YOU BECAUSE IT IS NOT EASY FOR SOMEONE TO ACQUIRE SUCH AMIABLE DEGREE AND CERTIFICATES.        But don't ever forget both Ebola virus and Lassa fever OOOOOOOO!!!!