"OTURUGBEKE"

DEAR OTURUGBEKE. I AM A FIFTY YEAR OLD POULTRY FARMER. I HAVE A VERY BIG POULTRY FARM WHERE I REAR GOATS, SHEEP, CHICKENS, PIGS AND DUCKS. BUT THEY ARE NOT YIELDING ENOUGH PROFIT TO MY LIKING. I HAVE TEN SECURITY GUARDS WHO KEEP WATCH OVER THEM BOTH DAY AND NIGHT AND THIS IS  COSTING ME A WHOOPING AMOUNT OF MONEY. I HAVE FOUR WIVES AND SEVENTEEN CHILDREN. I WANT TO REAR ANIMALS THAT WILL BE MORE PROFITABLE TO ME. I MEAN ANIMALS THAT WILL NOT BE IN QUANTITY BUT CAN YIELD MUCH PROFIT. THEY SHOULD ALSO BE ANIMALS THAT WILL NOT COST ME MUCH MONEY TO FEED THEM. SOME OF MY FRIENDS SUGGESTED COWS, CAMELS, HORSES AND DONKEYS. PLEASE ADVISE ME. SHOULD I LISTEN TO MY FRIENDS' ADVISE? I NEED MUCH MONEY TO KEEP MY LARGE FAMILY GOING.     MR OLIVER.                                             DEAR MR OLIVER, THANK YOUR STAR FOR CONSULTING ME FIRST BEFORE  TAKING ANY DECISION. DON'T MIND YOUR FRIENDS. THEY DON'T WANT YOUR PROGRESS. THEY ARE ENEMIES TO YOUR BRIGHT FUTURE. BY REARING COWS, CAMELS, DONKEYS AND HORSES WILL MAKES YOU A HERDER AND THAT MEANS PEOPLE WILL CONSIDER YOU A FULANI HERDSMAN AND THEY MAY EVEN LYNCH YOU WHEN THEY SEE YOU CUTTING GRASS WITH WHICH TO FEED THESE ANIMALS. NOW WHAT YOU WILL DO IS THIS: GET TEN MIGHTY LIONS AND TWO TIGERS. THEY ARE THE EASIEST ANIMALS TO FEED. YOU WILL NO LONGER NEED THE SERVICES OF THOSE TEN SECURITY GUARDS. PUT THEM BETWEEN YOUR HOUSE AND THE POULTRY AND MAKE SURE YOU OPEN THE POULTRY GATES AND YOUR HOUSE DOORS SO THAT THEY CAN GUARD BOTH YOUR FAMILY AND ALL THE POULTRY ANIMALS. YOU DON'T EVEN NEED TO FEED THEM. I BET YOU, IN JUST A WEEK TIME, BOTH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND ALL THE ANIMALS WILL STAND BEFORE GOD TO THANK HIM. THESE ARE THE MOST PROFITABLE AND HARMLESS ANIMALS THAT YOU CAN THINK OF.  DON'T THANK US, BECAUSE IT IS OUR DUTY TO HELP YOU.