GBAGBOS LIVE NO DUPLICATE! The eyes of a stranger are equal to the brightness of a torchlight but are as blind like that of a bat during the daytime.

There was this lady who spent about ten years abroad.

She finally returned home to start a private business.

The second day after her arrival, her younger sister who was awaiting an admission into the university came home with a photocopied form she filled. She was surprised to see that the column which asks: What do you intend to be in the future? Her sister wrote, "A sales girl".

She was mad at her and she shouted at her saying, "Common men! You are a disgrace! Can't you gaddem block headed girl write an engineer or a doctor or a barrister? You are lost men!"

And her younger sister said to her, "Sister, l know what l am doing. Daddy said he once filled a form like this and he wrote a medical doctor as his future profession. But later, he became an ordinary carpenter till date.

Mummy also said that she once filled a form and she wrote 'nursing' as her future career but today she is a roadside food vendor. That is why l am writing salesgirl which l believed will later turnout to be either a lawyer or a nurse".

Later another of her younger sister who works as a salesgirl came to greet her. When she learnt that she works as a salesgirl, she asked her how much she was been paid. She said, "N20000:00 monthly".

"Gaddem! That is awful! How dare you do a job for N20000:00 a month? That is what you will receive for about thirty minutes labour in the States men! You either quit the job now or you sue the gaddem manager of yours.

Your minimum wage here in Nigeria is now N70000:00.

Is either he pays you all your past entitlements or he goes to jail. I gat to get you a lawyer men!".

And her father who has been listening to all the conversations all the while said to her: 

My daughter, the long journey down here must be responsible for this your afternoon dream. Go back to sleep or better still send your sister to buy you some malaria fever's drugs because it seems you are suffering from malaria fever.

DAUGHTER: Daddy, l gat take no craps men! I gonna sue the selfish director and he will pay through his bloody nostrils men!

FATHER: My daughter. This is Nigeria not the States!

You who sue the manager may be the one to spend your life in jail. 

DAUGHTER: No daddy! I insist. I must sue that cheat of a man! Gaddem! Right away!

FATHER: My daughter. Do you know what it means for you to spent ten years in America and return back to spend twenty years in either Kuje or Kirikiri prison with big tiger and anopheles mosquitoes with bedbugs?

You are a stranger. You haven't know where you are yet but in no time you will know.

This is where a complainant could automatically becomes an accuse. Where a hungry man who steals a tuber of yam to feed his children due to hunger and poverty could be jailed for ten years but those who stole billions are walking free! 

My daughter, use padlock to lock your mouth if you don't want to be invited.

THE NEW SCHOOL AND ITS CURRICULUM! WONDERFUL VS TWODERFUL VS THREEDERFUL EQUAL TO SURPRISE-DERFUL!!!

Watching the court's proceedings live and direct!

MAGISTRATE:  Please, l want both of you to introduce yourselves before this honourable court and tell us what brought you here.

PLAINTIFF: My Lord. I am Mr Ogodi and this woman beside me is my wife while the five useless boys and girls standing on the second dock are my children.

My Lord, l married and have children like every other human being. I enrolled them in a well recognised and approved government school. But they later abandoned the school and formed themselves into a group of five foolish fools.

They sew their own uniforms and bought their own books.

Everything about this gathering looks illegal and suspicious. I believed that rather than going to school, they formed themselves into a cult group. That is all my Lord.

The first defendant was the eldest daughter of Mr Ogodi, a sixteen year old girl.

My Lord, my name is Maria Ogodi and the two boys and the two girls here are my younger ones.

Yes, we stopped the school that our father enrolled us into and formed our own school, first of its kind since the creation of the world. The name of the school is 'FORMALIN EDUCATION'.

It has three Departments namely:  Characteristics Evaluation, Mental Evaluation and Creation Evaluation.

In the first department which is Characteristics Evaluation, we study the characteristics of our parents. 

My Lord, our parents fight almost every day using dangerous weapons and unprintable words on each other.

But in the midnight, they will lock up themselves in the bedroom and begin to laugh.

Whenever we see our mother alongside with her lovers drinking beer and we approach her, she would pretends that she didn't know us. She chases us away with sticks calling us beggars who have come from orphanage homes to beg for arms. The same thing is applicable to our father whenever we see him drinking beer with his lovers and we approach him, he would pretends that he doesn't know us. He would say we are beggars.

When our father gives our mother money to go to market and buy food items, our mother would divide the money into two, and use one part for the food and the other part of chewing gums and other sweet mouth items.

Our mother often comes home from the market with different uncles whom we have never seen or known.  

Her uncles and brothers are endless.

On the side of our father. He drives all alone from home to work. Whenever we ask him to drop us off at school he would say that he is late already. But a stone throw drive, he would lift about three ladies. When we ask him whom they are, he would say they are his younger sisters.

At times, he brings them to the matrimonial home just like our mother and lock themselves up in the bedroom.

That was the main reason we set up this school to study their characteristics whether it is humanely or animalistic.

We also study their mental make-up whether they have mental imbalanced!

We also study their creation whether, they were actually created by God himself or by God's apprenticeship.

The bottom line is that they are not normal!

When we have graduated, we shall come out with a comprehensive white paper report and a blueprint on their creation and make-up and we shall make an appropriate recommendation to God on them. But for now, we have so far established the case of mental imbalance and legions of demons on their heads. Our study continues sir 

THE MAGISTRATE COLLAPSED!

MR NOTHING AND THE POLICE!

                      FICTION! FICTION! FICTION!!!

Some policemen on a roadblock stopped a tricycle rider and demanded for his driver's license and the tricycle's particulars. But to their surprise, he said he had nothing on him. They told him that since he had nothing on him, he should settle them with something. He told them that he can't settle them with something when he had nothing.

One of them then took him to the police station.

On getting closer to the station, he asked him to wait and he went to discuss with a colleague of his on how to squeeze something from the man and let him go!

But when they returned to the spot, the man was gone!

A year later, they apprehended him again at the same roadblock. This time around, they arrested him straight away. They took him to the station and put him in the cell. The next morning neither him nor his tricycle could be found! They were gone!

A year later, he was apprehended once more at the same roadblock and the following ensued between them: 

POLICE: Who are you? 

TRICYCLE RIDER: I am Mr nothing sir.

POLICE:  We have dropped all the charges against you. Henceforth you will no longer be harassed. You can ride pass our roadblock without any harassment whatsoever. What you have to do now is just to give us something to drink, that's all!

TRICYCLE RIDER: How can l give you something when l am nothing?

POLICE OFFICER TO HIS BOYS: Boys, if he insisted that he has nothing, then; shoot him to death immediately.

TRICYCLE RIDER: How can you used something to shoot nothing?

OFFICER: Common, bring the the idiot down!

Immediately he was not seen again!

That ended the roadblock on that road!

AMIABLE RECORD OF INDECENCY!

JUDGE: Mr Lala, the changes against you are so numerous and very weighty and also indecent!

The charges read: That you Mr Lala have been involved in an unhealthy sexual escapades. That you have been caught both physically and on video having sexual intimacy with your housemaids, your sister in law and mother in-law, your secretary, neighbours' wives, church members' wives, mad ladies and even imbeciles and the invalid.

The fear of the general public is whether or not you have also had it with the various female goats, dogs and sheep.

Are you possessed or this is a sign of insanity in you?

MR LALA: My Lord, thank you very much. But l don't expect this type of embarrassment from both the general public and the law.

Have they found out in all these if l am not capable? I am expecting a recommendation and a national award for all these my performances. I have broken a Guinness record in immorality!

Have any of my victims complained that l didn't satisfy them? The answer is 'NO'. Then l should be commended and given a national award. I just heard that the authority has started the installation of CCTV cameras in all the offices and public and private business places.

But l must tell you that they are wasting their time because the animals neither look for a bedroom nor a chalet before enjoying themselves. And so, Mr Lala doesn't look for privacy before enjoying himself.

JUDGE: Based on your response, this honourable court is recommending that you should be incarcerated in a solitary confinement.

MR LALA: My Lord, not so fast. I am an hermaphrodite!

I can still enjoy myself with myself in anywhere in the absence of the opposite sex.

THE JUDGE COLLAPSED!

MR SHOOTER AND THE POLICE!

There was this man called Shooter who hailed from a village called "I Don't Need Nonsense". His wife's name was Arrest and his son's name was Detention and his daughter called Gun. One day, he was going to a village called, "Court" to meet a man named,  "The Law" to give him a job to do. But he could not locate the village. He continued walking along the road and he came to a police checkpoint and the following ensued between him and the police:

POLICE: It is very late Mr man. Where are you coming from?

MAN: I don't need nonsense.

POLICE: What is your name?

MAN: Shooter.

POLICE: Where is your gun?

MAN: Oh, Gun! My daughter? She is at home.

POLICE: Do you know what is called Arrest and Detention?

MAN: Yes, Arrest is my wife and Detention is my son.

POLICE: Mr man. We are going to arrest you now and then go and get your gun then we will put you in detention and later take you to court to face the law.

MAN: With all pleasure Sir.