THE TWO DIFFICULT OPTIONS!!!

There was this man, a coffin producer. At a time, a man paid some amount of money to him for a coffin to bury his late father. But his younger brother who lived abroad bought a golden casket and brought it as he came down home for the burial ceremony. And so the man went to meet the coffin producer to refund his money to him as it could no longer be useful. But he told the man that he had used the money. He advised the man to wait for another of his brother or sister to die so that he could used it for the burial.

The man became very angry. He told him that he must collect his money back. Anytime he comes to demands for his money, the coffin producer would either hide himself inside one of the coffins or plead to him to excise patient with him. The creditor became angry with his delay tactics and he involved the police.

Now the coffin producer saw a police van coming towards his workshop from afar, he quickly hid himself inside one of the coffins! When they got to the shop, he wasn't there. The police decided to carry all the coffins to the station so that when he returns he would come down to the station.

But as they try to carry the first one, it was very heavy!

The police then opened it.Inside was the coffin producer!

He held his breadth as if he was dead!

The police suggested that he should be taken to the cemetery for burial. When they got there, the police dug the grave. But as they were about to carry the coffin into the grave, he opened his eyes and said, "Why is it you the police have no respect for the dead?

I am dead and that is all! Why can't you go away and let my family members come to bury me?"

And the police said, "Here are the two options before you now. If you insist that you are dead, then let us bury you as it should. But if you insist that you are still alive, then just stand up and let us handcuffs your hands and feet and take you to the station and from there to the court which we believed will sentence you to the real death which you sort for". 

And the coffin producer said, "Officers, please; l believed we can still settle this matter without the two draconian options! I will pay him his money in double and settle you officers. Look at my knees on the ground!

We only say that we are dead or that we are going to die or that we are not afraid of death when death is a trillion of miles away from us and not when death is close by looking at us in the face like as it is looking at me now!

Please, l beg!"

 

HE GOT A POINT!

There was this wealthy businessman whom his wife had never conceived after twenty five years of marriage!

They had gone to different spiritual houses to sow seed as well as doing ultrasound in different hospitals!

But all to no avail!

Finally, she became pregnant!

The joy of the family knew no bound!

Then, she finally put to bed a bouncing baby boy!

The businessman immediately bought an SUV for the newborn baby, opened a savings account with five million naira for him. He also declared a week celebration of eating and drinking! He employed the services of caterers to supply food. He ordered a long truck of beer and soft drinks.

But the third day as they were about to discharge the baby from the hospital and go home, he died!

It was the greatest grief for the family. The big compound of this businessman was filled to its capacity!

Now, there was a popular drunkard in the village.

He is always in anywhere there is a party!

He heard about the birth of the baby and the businessman's plan to organize a big party. Unaware about the death of the baby, he went there with the purpose of drinking and eating!

He entered the compound with a song of happiness.

He shouted for food and drinks to be brought for him.

some people quickly told him about the turn of event!

And he said, "In our tradition, when someone is born, we drink; and when someone is dead, we also drink.

Drinks and food don't escape the two events!

Bring my food and drinks".

Some people quickly reminded him of the age of the baby and the sad mood of the parents.

And he replies,"Look! Death is death! It doesn't differentiate between the young and the old. Since the same death that kills the elderly is the same death that kills the young, go and bring my food and drinks.

As far death occurred, we must drink and eat!" 

OYA, MAKE UNA ANSWER AM!

HE DON TALK HIM OWN, ABI UNA NOR GO GIVE AM FOOD?

AN EX RAY ON WHEN A DOG IS KILLED.

AN EX RAY ON WHEN A DOG IS KILLED LOCALLY AND ABROAD.

                                        ABROAD

CALLER: Hello. Good day. Please, is that the police?

POLICE: Yes, this is the police. How may l help you?

CALLER: Men, someone just murdered my dog.

POLICE: A!right take it easy. Just give us your location.

We will be there in a jiffy!

TWENTY MINUTES LATER;

POLICE: Yes, madam, we are here. You reported a case of a murdered dog, right?

CALLER: Precisely! That is the fellow over there.

POLICE: Just stretch your hands forward.

Now, move into the car.

CALLER: Thank you very much, officers.

POLICE: Don't mention!

                             LOCAL

CALLER: Hello! Is that the police? 

Well, someone just killed my dog. I want him arrested.

POLICE: l beg, you said what? I didn't hear you properly.

CALLER: Officer, Na my dog dem killed

POLICE:  You drink Ogogoro abi na Kolos dey worry you?

Dog wey people dey kill dey take do pepper soup everywhere so. I beg, comot for the line make l  nor come vex arrest you. Idiot.

SUPERIOR OFFICER:  Sergeant, na who be dat?

POLICE: Oga, nor mind am. Na one yeye man. He say dem kill him dog. Say make l come catch the person.

SUPERIOR OFFICER: Na craze really dey him head. How many people wey dem don  kill today wey dem report here,

We don  fit go? How much more say na common dog.

He nor really well.

DON'T EVER SEND MR CAT TO KEEP WATCH OVER THE FISH TO PREVENT MR RAT FROM EATING IT!

There is this chief, a single parent with a very pretty looking daughter. He gives the girl whatever things she needs! The only problem is a certain young man who comes to woo her. When the father got wind of this young man's movements, his anger knew no bound!

He then instructed the gate man to keep watch over her to prevent the young man from seeing her. He promised to reward the gate man abundantly.

Now, his daughter over heard him passing the order.

When the chief had gone to his office, she came to the gate man and asked him if her father gave him any instruction about her. He told her everything her father told him.

And she said, "You see, l want you to ignore my father's order.

I need that young man badly. Just name your price or anything and l will do it for you". 

No victory of war can be more than the giving of a strong sword to the strong man!

And so, he said, "If you can give me your natural love, then your ball is already in the net!"

She took him inside her bedroom for the expected enjoyment!  

Two hours later, the young man was at the gate!

It is said that the double edged sword is far better than the one sided one and so, Mr gateman told him about chief's order. He then begged him to please help him by covering up his coming into the compound and their secret affairs! Another fresh deal was signed. This new deal says, "Anytime you come, N5000!

And so, Mr gateman continued to enjoy chief's daughter in kind and her boyfriend in cash!

Again, the saying that 'riches can never be too much for the humans' came to play as chief too continues to shower him with money and gifts for preventing the young man from seeing his daughter.

But like the saying of our forefathers, that, "Whosoever that steals a drum should not be too happy about it because he can't beat it in an isolation as the sound of the drum would one day come to the public!"

And so the girl became pregnant!

A DNA test was conducted on her and guess what?!

She was pregnant for the 'services deliverance anchor,' the gateman!

The frustrated chief took him to the police to sign an undertaking that he would accommodates the girl in his house!

That as usual, his daughter eats fried eggs with bread, butter, mayonis, Bama, corned beef with foreign tea for breakfast!

Foreign meat pie, with wine for refreshments!

Vegetable soup with costly meat garnish with hot Eba for lunch and fried rice with fresh fish stew for supper.

And the gateman said confidently to the police that he was capable! That he works and earns a good salary and so feeding her with whatever food she wants would be an easy task for him.

As they left the station, he received his sack letter from work!

And he shouted, "Oh God! Where am l going to get the money to feed her? My life is finished!"

REMEMBER THAT IF SECRETS SHOULD BE SHOWN TO THE PUBLIC, ARGUMENTATIVES WOULD BURY THEIR FACES ON THEIR PALMS IN SHAME!

ONE BAD TURN!

WHEN A POLICE VAN FALLS INTO A DITCH LOCAL AND ABROAD!

                                         ABROAD

RESIDENTS: Men! Look over there! A police van just fell into a ditch. Let's go men and help them.

They are our protectors!

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

POLICE: Men! You guys are wonderful!

We appreciate you!

RESIDENTS: Don't mention, men!

                                         LOCAL

Mama Amina, Mama Bisi, Mama Ese! Where papa Ejiro?

Oya, make una lock up una shops and houses!

Police motor don  fall inside gutter!

Nor be we dem go take do dat aphamako job, God forbid!

We nor dey house, we don travel!

Make dem go pay aboki guys to helep dem comot am,

Na wicked go kill dem, idiot!

TWENTY MINUTES LATER.

Oya, make una come out, dem don  go!

THE DIFFERENCE IS CLEAR!