"MUM, YOURS IS TYPE A MADNESS WHILE DAD'S OWN IS TYPE C MADNESS!"

There was this woman, a great talkative. Even when alone, she talks to herself. The only time that she doesn't talk is when sleeping!

Her husband is also a drunkard. Whenever he is drunk, he also talks a lot without ceasing!

One day, their only daughter who was a senior secondary school student was taught in their Biology class by their teacher that there are many types of madness. He told them that the commonest ones are the type A and type C.

He told them that the type A patient usually talks even when alone and that the only time he or she doesn't talk is when sleeping!

He said that the type C patient only talks abnormally when he or she is drunk!  In other words, the type C madness is caused by an excessive intake of alcoholic drinks.

He also told them that the only remedy is to slash a little from the tongue of the patient to make it shorter and that will reduce the excessive talking.

Now, when she returned home, she said to her parents.

"Mum, no wonder you never get tired of talking!

You are suffering from a madness known as "TYPE A MADNESS WHY DAD'S OWN IS TYPE C.

MUM: Since, you have discovered it, what is the remedy?

DAUGHTER: Just to use a knife or cutlass to slash a little from your tongues. That's all. And l am ready to do it now without delay. You can see my cutlass!

MUM AND DAD: You mean that you want cut from our tongues?

DAUGHTER: If that will reduce the talking as far as l concerned, no problem with it.

HE WHO SELLS RUMOURS AUTOMATICALLY BUYS MOCKERY!

WHEN A RABBIT RUNS INTO THE HOME OF THE HUNTER DURING THE DAY, IT IS CHASED OUT INSTEAD OF KILLING IT BECAUSE IT IS A TABOO!

There was this man who stood along the express road waiting for a taxi. Soon, a taxi came and the driver asked him where he was going. He told him. Fortunately, the driver said that it was exactly where he was going too.

He then entered. There were three other men in the car. When they have gone half a kilometre, they said to him.

OCCUPANTS: Please, Mr. We are sorry to tell you that we are ritualists! It is our policy to informed anybody we kidnapped our intention of kidnapping him or her before we finally used such a person for money rituals.

So, we are going to use you for money rituals and we are sorry about it.

But the man didn't answer them. After about two poles drive, they said to him again. 

OCCUPANTS: Didn't you understand us? We said we are going to use you for money rituals. That is to kill you.

PASSENGER: I heard and understood you quite well. Let's go.

After some minutes, they parked the car off the road.

OCCUPANTS  Oga, we are ritualists and we are going to use you for money rituals. We hope you know what it means?

PASSENGER: What is your stress?

Are you all amateur in kidnapping?

Haven't you kidnapped before?

Why are you worried?

I am the one who should be worried and not you.

I am not worried. I said let's go; l am ready!

After some minutes drive, they parked again and they said to him: I beg, come down. We don't know whom you are.

Don't come and give us trouble.

How can someone be told that he is going to be killed and he is even happier? Carry your trouble forward, we don't need people like you!

THE FALCON CAN'T BE MORE DISAPPOINTED THAN TO SEE THE CHICKS IN AN IRON CAGE!

There was this man a single father. He packed into a compound with six daughters and two sons. 

The landlord was a womanizer. Immediately he saw the man's daughters, he salivated!

"Yes, l am going to at least get one or two of these girls. It is just a matter of giving them money", he thought.

He then went to meet the man and he said, "You are going to enjoy this my compound. You see, female children are very friendly. They tell stories and smile in a wonderful way not like the male children who are always in the football field".

Meanwhile, other tenants have told him about the landlord's womanizing character.

The next week he took his daughters to a boarding school.

Two days after this, the landlord came to him and the following ensued between them.

LANDLORD: My new tenant, for the past two days, l haven't seen your daughters.

TENANT; Oh, thank you sir! I have put them in a boarding school far away.

LANDLORD: Good. That means they will only be coming home on holidays.

TENANT: Oh, not at all!

Even during the holidays they will be in the school.

The only time they will come is after their graduation when they are about to marry. Girls problems are too many.

Let me remain with the two boys.

LANDLORD: Look my tenant. The only way to bring your daughters up in an upright way is for them to be closer to you their father so that you can be advising them. Don't you know that many bad things can happen to them in the school that will cause you and them great injury in the future?

TENANT: Thank you sir. But you see, house or closer injury will be greater to me and them than that of the school.

When the landlord has gone into his room, he said, "What a bad luck is this! Look at all these protruding chests and big bottoms young girls have all escaped my fine boy!

Nothing can be worse for the hen than for it to be seeing  the groundnuts inside the bottle but can't eat them".

PREEMPT AND EX RAY OF NIGERIANS AMERICA DEPORTEES!

You know, Nigerians love foreign things!

And so, immediately the first batch of the deportees arrived, labour employers began to search for experts amongst them.

Now, one of them, a lady who had been there since she was twelve years, now an English language teacher was engaged by a school in one of the rural areas. The first day she entered into the classroom, she greeted the students,

Hi, 

And all the students climbed to the ceiling and they said, "Yes ma. We are high up!

And she said, " Bullshit! 

And the students rushed out to get cow dung. When they returned they said, "Here is the Bullshit, cow dung".

And she said, "Men! 

Again, they rushed out and brought five men and they said, " Ma, here are the men!" 

And she said, "What's up?

Again they all brought out their phones and said, " We have opened WhatsApp, ma" 

She was again confused and she said, "FUCK!

And a boy and a girl came out and they said, "Can we FUCK NOW?" 

And she said, "Gaddem, eggs headed numbskulls!"

As usual, they rushed out and brought garden eggs and human skulls from the cemetery!

And she ran into the streets shouting, "I am going back to God's own country!"

NATURE TO MR LION, "I AM YOUR CREATOR AND BY YOUR NATURE YOU CAN'T CLAIM INNOCENT OF THE VARIOUS MISSING ANIMALS IN THE FOREST"

The following ensued between a sixteen year old senior secondary school final year student and her father.

STUDENT: Dad, our principal is now the talk of the town!

He sexually molests the female students, many other female staffers of the school and other married women. Even last Thursday, he asked me to meet him at the males toilet but l refused.

The latest now is that various people are also accusing him of killing and eating their dogs. There is this rumour going around that he doesn't joke with dogs and women, especially people's wives.

But dad, what tribe do you think this type of man hails from?

FATHER: You know that there are a lot of tribes and to find out his tribe, we need a Google map!

Because l know that there is actually an ethic group amongst us whom their men don't joke with these two hobbies but only Google map can help us.