Thursday, 13 March 2025

"ANOTHER LESSON WHICH THE POLICE CAN NEVER FORGETS IN A HURRY! ( Part Two )

 Once upon a time, there was this police roadblock along a popular busy road. This road is very crucial owing to the fact that it leads to eight rural commercial villages.
People come from far and near to buy meat, garri, plantains, cocoyams, yams, fish, crabs, crayfish, oysters and many others edibles in these villages markets!

Because of the commercial activities in these villages, the police makes a brisk business in the roadblock. Many of the commercial vehicles overload their vehicles with goods and since they knew that it is an offence, they come down to settle the police before passing. Daily, the police makes fortune at this roadblock!

At a time, their activities was reported to their Superior officer and he began to monitor them by paying an unscheduled visit to the checkpoint. On such a visit, he checks all their pockets for money. Woe to any officer whom a large sum of money is found in his pockets!

Because of this the policemen at the roadblock device a tactics. Behind the roadblock is a thick forest with mighty trees! They bought a wide and deep plastic container with a cover. They hid it behind a tree. Whatever money they got, they keep it inside. Then came a time of crisis between two of these villages. A lot of gunrunners began to supply weapons to the two warring communities!
Because of this, the crisis lingered on for a very long time.

And so the authority deployed a detachment of soldiers to this very roadblock to check the movement of arms into the villages. Most of the soldiers were deployed directly to the warring communities. Only seven soldiers were deployed to the roadblock to join the police. The soldiers sat down while the police did the collection of money.

In the evening when they are to handover duty, all of them would go to where the container is and open it in the presence of everyone of them and share the money amongst themselves, But later, the police saw it as a cheat for them to do the collection only for them to share the money with the soldiers. And so, towards the evenings, when they are about to handover duty, any of the police who takes money to keep in the container would pack a substantial amount from the money and hide it far.

When they had shared the money in the container and the soldiers gone, they would quickly bring out the ones they have hidden and share it among themselves. After all, monkeys can't be working and bamboos are eating!

But very soon, the soldiers found out secretly what the police are doing! And they decided to beat the police to their game. One day, they have a huge amount of money because that was the day after peace was brokered between the two warring communities and they lay down their arms!
For the first time after about a year, commercial activities resume in these two communities again!
That was why they got a huge amount of money that day.

Now, towards the evening hours, one of the soldiers with a motorcycle told them that he wanted to go to a neighbouring village to buy palm wine. When he had gone far, he parked off the road and trust soldiers when  it comes to sneaking! He crawled through the forest down to the roadblock and moved to the container. He took a big sack along and he emptied the whole money into the sack and placed the container back in its position and covered it.
He crawled back to his motorcycle and rode off!
He gave the sack to the lady who sells the palm wine to keep for him. He told her that it contains his property and nothing should come closer to where she keeps it.

He then rode down to the roadblock with a keg of fresh palm wine which they all enjoyed!
Then, came the zero hour! The hour when all of them usually go into the bush to share the money.
On getting there, the police opens it with much enthusiasm  because that was the day they made the highest money. But alas, no money!
It was like a miracle or better still a horror movie that is not real!
They continue to stare at one another as to what is actually happening? Where is all the money?

Then the soldiers pretended to be angry. They told the police that they are the ones who usually go there to keep the money; which means they have to account for the missing money. But in all these, the seven soldiers knew what they have done. The police then begged them to exercise a little patient with them that when they received their salary at the month end, they would from it give them their share. The police finally received their salary. They took from each of their salary to pay the soldiers.

Meanwhile that day, after closing, the soldiers went to the woman's shop and collected the money which they shared among themselves with each of them getting a whooping amount that could be up to their salaries of two years then!

The police smelt rat! They suspected that the soldiers may have something to do with the missing money because for years they have been keeping money there, they had never lost a dine! They then decided not to be posted together with the soldiers again. They formed another roadblock far off from the soldiers.

Now with the police gone, the soldiers found it difficult to stand on the road to collect money from motorists.
They then found a young man of about twenty years of age. They gave him a camouflage T-shirt and a cap. He stands on the road to collect money for the soldiers. He became very proud in his area. He moves around with pride putting on the camouflage T-shirt and cap. He talks to people with impunity! Like the saying that "When you give a local man uniform, he becomes a problem to his community". Some of the community's elders went to the young Man's mother to complain to her about her son's attitude. They told her to caution him.

But she became angry with them. She said that the villagers were jealous because her son was chosen to be among the soldiers. She asked them to go and drown in the sea because her son was already a soldier. She went and told the soldiers about all that the villagers are saying. The soldiers came to warn the villagers.They said that the villagers should know that the young man is a soldier and that means his mother should be respected and treated with dignity because she is a mother of a soldier man. When the soldiers had gone, she told them that she has been vindicated when she referred to her son as a soldier because the soldiers themselves have confirmed it.

She began to mock at the people with the following song:
As E dey pain dem, E dey sweet us! As E dey sweet us, E dey pain them. Fools! Your useless sons are not even fit for common voluntary organizations such as boyscout and MAN' O WAR BAY. Whether they like it or not, he is already a soldier!

The police reported the soldiers' and the boy's activities to the military authority. The head of the military then beams his searchlight on the activities of the soldiers at the roadblock by paying an unscheduled visit to the roadblock regularly. One day, he was in his car coming towards the roadblock when he ran into a chaotic traffic jam! He enquires from motorists on what was causing the gridlock. They told him that it was as a result of the military roadblock. He got down from his car and walks down to the roadblock only for him to see this young man collecting money from motorists.

He asked him if he was a soldier man to which he says he was not. He asks him where did he get the camouflage T-shirt and cap from. He said that they were given to him by the soldiers for him to collect money for them. He turns towards the soldiers who were all presenting their arms in a general salute! They denied knowing the young man let alone to have given camouflage T-shirt and cap to him to collect money for them. He then commands the soldiers to fire him since he is denting the image of the military.
In a second, they open fire on him and he died flat!

Now, when the commander of the army had gone, the soldiers went to the young man's mother. They told her that as being a soldier man goes with dignity and pride,  also does it go with death. They told her that her son died in a crossfire with enemies. That is, he died in an active service to his father's land. She asks them when would the government pay her, his son's gratuity as a force man who died in an active service. They told her that he is an unknown soldier because his name hasn't been sent to army headquarters. That means he was pre-korofo. That is suffer-suffer for world, zombie of no recognition!

She collapsed on the macadamized thoroughfare and the villagers burst into what they called, "He who laughs last, laughs best. As E dey sweet us, E dey pain them. Omo, as E dey pain them, E dey sweet us!"

THAT IS THE END OF THIS STORY!

Tuesday, 11 March 2025

WHAT THEY WOULD BECOME!

Once upon a time, a certain primary school members of staff organized a sendoff party for their retired headmaster. Now, this headmaster headed the school for thirty five years! Now during the sendoff party, the headmaster organized a play tagged, "WHAT THEY WOULD BECOME". 

Many toys representing all the professions on earth were on displayed! Now, the big open field was filled to its capacity with parents and relations of all the pupils of the school as well as friends and well wishers! 

Now, one after the other, the pupils were asked to go and pick one toy that represents what he or she would like to become in future.

First, a girl came forward and picked a gown, gavel and a wing.
And the moderator shouted, "Ladies and gentlemen, she is going to be a judge! And everyone clapped.
Her parents and relations danced out joyfully.

This was followed by a little boy. He picked up a cassock and a Bible. And the moderator shouted, " Ladies and gentlemen, he is going to be a revered father! And everyone clapped.
His parents and relations danced out joyfully.

A girl came forward and picked some drugs, white moderate gown and hand gloves. And the moderator shouted, "Ladies and gentlemen, she is going to be a nurse! And everyone clapped.
Her parents and relations danced out joyfully.

Then a little boy came forward and picked a stethoscope.
And the moderator shouted, Ladies and gentlemen, he is going to be a doctor! And everyone clapped for him.
His parents and relations danced out joyfully.

A little girl then came forward and picked some cowries, calabashes and four owls.
And the moderator shouted, " Ladies and gentlemen, she is going to be a witch! Nobody clapped.
Her parents went under the tables and hid themselves.

And a boy came forward and picked a pistol and a hood.
And the moderator shouted, " Ladies and gentlemen, he is going to be an arm robbers! Nobody clapped.
And his parents and relations went under the tables to hide.

A girl came forward and she picked ten male toys and condoms. And the moderator shouted, "Ladies and gentlemen, she is going to be a heavy ASHAWO that's prostitute!
Nobody clapped.
And her parents and relations quickly hid themselves!

A  little boy came forward and picked each of all the toys and tied them together. He tried to lift them several times but fell to the ground. Yet he refused to give up!
He said, "Unless l carry them, l won't leave the venue!"
And the moderator shouted, "Ladies and gentlemen, he is going to be a politician! 
Full of greed, deceit, fake promises and lies!

Friday, 7 March 2025

"MUM, YOURS IS TYPE A MADNESS WHILE DAD'S OWN IS TYPE C MADNESS!"

There was this woman, a great talkative. Even when alone, she talks to herself. The only time that she doesn't talk is when sleeping!
Her husband is also a drunkard. Whenever he is drunk, he also talks a lot without ceasing!

One day, their only daughter who was a senior secondary school student was taught in their Biology class by their teacher that there are many types of madness. He told them that the commonest ones are the type A and type C.
He told them that the type A patient usually talks even when alone and that the only time he or she doesn't talk is when sleeping!

He said that the type C patient only talks abnormally when he or she is drunk!  In other words, the type C madness is caused by an excessive intake of alcoholic drinks.
He also told them that the only remedy is to slash a little from the tongue of the patient to make it shorter and that will reduce the excessive talking.

Now, when she returned home, she said to her parents.
"Mum, no wonder you never get tired of talking!
You are suffering from a madness known as "TYPE A MADNESS WHY DAD'S OWN IS TYPE C.

MUM: Since, you have discovered it, what is the remedy?

DAUGHTER: Just to use a knife or cutlass to slash a little from your tongues. That's all. And l am ready to do it now without delay. You can see my cutlass!

MUM AND DAD: You mean that you want cut from our tongues?

DAUGHTER: If that will reduce the talking as far as l concerned, no problem with it.

HE WHO SELLS RUMOURS AUTOMATICALLY BUYS MOCKERY!

WHEN A RABBIT RUNS INTO THE HOME OF THE HUNTER DURING THE DAY, IT IS CHASED OUT INSTEAD OF KILLING IT BECAUSE IT IS A TABOO!

There was this man who stood along the express road waiting for a taxi. Soon, a taxi came and the driver asked him where he was going. He told him. Fortunately, the driver said that it was exactly where he was going too.

He then entered. There were three other men in the car. When they have gone half a kilometre, they said to him.

OCCUPANTS: Please, Mr. We are sorry to tell you that we are ritualists! It is our policy to informed anybody we kidnapped our intention of kidnapping him or her before we finally used such a person for money rituals.
So, we are going to use you for money rituals and we are sorry about it.

But the man didn't answer them. After about two poles drive, they said to him again. 
OCCUPANTS: Didn't you understand us? We said we are going to use you for money rituals. That is to kill you.

PASSENGER: I heard and understood you quite well. Let's go.

After some minutes, they parked the car off the road.

OCCUPANTS  Oga, we are ritualists and we are going to use you for money rituals. We hope you know what it means?

PASSENGER: What is your stress?
Are you all amateur in kidnapping?
Haven't you kidnapped before?
Why are you worried?
I am the one who should be worried and not you.
I am not worried. I said let's go; l am ready!

After some minutes drive, they parked again and they said to him: I beg, come down. We don't know whom you are.
Don't come and give us trouble.
How can someone be told that he is going to be killed and he is even happier? Carry your trouble forward, we don't need people like you!

THE FALCON CAN'T BE MORE DISAPPOINTED THAN TO SEE THE CHICKS IN AN IRON CAGE!

There was this man a single father. He packed into a compound with six daughters and two sons. 
The landlord was a womanizer. Immediately he saw the man's daughters, he salivated!
"Yes, l am going to at least get one or two of these girls. It is just a matter of giving them money", he thought.

He then went to meet the man and he said, "You are going to enjoy this my compound. You see, female children are very friendly. They tell stories and smile in a wonderful way not like the male children who are always in the football field".

Meanwhile, other tenants have told him about the landlord's womanizing character.

The next week he took his daughters to a boarding school.
Two days after this, the landlord came to him and the following ensued between them.

LANDLORD: My new tenant, for the past two days, l haven't seen your daughters.

TENANT; Oh, thank you sir! I have put them in a boarding school far away.

LANDLORD: Good. That means they will only be coming home on holidays.

TENANT: Oh, not at all!
Even during the holidays they will be in the school.
The only time they will come is after their graduation when they are about to marry. Girls problems are too many.
Let me remain with the two boys.

LANDLORD: Look my tenant. The only way to bring your daughters up in an upright way is for them to be closer to you their father so that you can be advising them. Don't you know that many bad things can happen to them in the school that will cause you and them great injury in the future?

TENANT: Thank you sir. But you see, house or closer injury will be greater to me and them than that of the school.

When the landlord has gone into his room, he said, "What a bad luck is this! Look at all these protruding chests and big bottoms young girls have all escaped my fine boy!
Nothing can be worse for the hen than for it to be seeing  the groundnuts inside the bottle but can't eat them".