MY LOVELY FRIENDS. IT IS ME, YOUR GUY, JACK OF ALL TRADES; MASTER OF NONE!
Long ago, l fell in love with a beautiful looking light in complexion and busty northern Nigeria girl, named Gerirya!
Come and see love in Tokyo. It is either Gerirya or no one else! After about two months, she told me that her parents have approved of our marriage eventhough they haven't seen me. It was like Adam was pardoned to return to the Garden of Eden! My joy knew no bound!
Yes, at last this girl will be my wife. Had it been that l have wings, l could have flew to thank God. Then, one Saturday, her parents sent her to fetch me to their house for them to know me and also to arrange for the marriage ceremony.
Immediately, they saw me, they approved the marriage!
They told me that since they have approved it, the rest is for my wife to be to brief me how it will be done. She took me outside and told me that their tradition doesn't demand me to pay money on her as bride price. She told me that she has another suitor, a young man like myself.
The tradition stipulates that the man and l are going to compete who will really win her love by flogging each other! When l heard these words, l became more happier because when it comes to flogging, l have no rival! When l was a monitor, every pupil fears me. I believed that l will teach this guy an unforgettable lesson of his miserable life, that is if he has any because, how dared him to compete my lovely Geririya with me!
Then came the day of the competition! It was held in an open field with hundreds of spectators watching us. For me, it was a moment of truth and no two ways about it.
This guy was tall and slim. He held a long cane which l later knew to be KPACHA! They asked me to start. I began to trash him like no man's business! He just stood there looking at me like a fool!
Suddenly, the game changed! He told me that l was just a small rat. That l should have known that the rat that goes to watch the wrestling of the cats will never gets home to tell the others what he saw.
I never knew that this guy was a herder! A cattle rearer! Nomadic herdsman! A man that flogs a cow and it cries!
He then said in their style of English language: kai ! Kai ! Walahi Talahi, today, me l don die pata-pata. I go punishment you. Walahi Talahi! I no get am for sense? You I dey come hear to take am for my WAF, amariya ko? Shege! Danbanza kowe! Dan-iska!
His first flogging was my right ear! It cuts it into two! My eyes rotate round in their sockets 360 degrees Celsius! I saw stars with different colours! I was forced to shout: My father! My father! Why have thou forsaken me?
It was then it dawn on me that Nazi is far from Nazareth!
How can they brought me into a flogging competition with a man who follows cows in the sahara deserts. A man who cows fear! And Gerirya who was standing close by, beckoned on me to try to win her love!
And l said to her, "My love! My love! I have flogged pupils in my school days and won, but l am now facing a cow flogger! An expert in whipping cows to cry! This battle is beyond me, my love!"
They brought water and poured on my body! They gave me cow milk called "FURA-DE-NONO" to drink! I soon regained consciousness and we started the final flogging. At the end, l was carried from the north to the south on a stretcher half dead! All my skin was off my body!
My eyes were swollen like water pot!
My head has several swollen horns like that of a cow!
My parents were surprised to see me. They took me to the hospital but the doctor rejected me, instead referred me to India for a plastic surgery.
Na there l shout say, "I GO DIE OOOO!
No comments:
Post a Comment